I read with interest the post called “Glorious Nipples: My introduction,” which described some premarital sexual activity between a couple that later married and saved actual intercourse for the wedding night. As a teenager, my girlfriend and I eventually got physical, with her becoming pregnant shortly after we began having sex. We married for a decade. It was rough, and we have now been divorced for nearly six years. To this day, she is the only woman I have dated or had sex with.
The reason I mention all of that is because I was raised in extremely conservative Christian circles. In fact, we were often accused of being Mennonites or Amish. Growing up, the extent of marriage and relationship advice was pretty much, “Don’t touch each other while dating; if you have sex before marriage, you are used up and worthless; and, if you are physical before marriage, you will have a very unhappy and unfulfilled marriage.”
My marriage seemed like the perfect embodiment of God’s retribution for having “bumped our bits” before marriage. It was bad in so many ways, though I would wager it was mostly for reasons entirely unrelated to the simple act of premarital sex. (Fortunately, I eventually came to know and understand God in a way I hadn’t in years past and do not view Him as the spiteful, vengeful deity intent on punishing me like I had been taught.)
I often dream of marrying the woman God intends for me to marry. I fantasize about a relationship in which God restores the years the locusts have eaten. And, I am tremendously fearful of doing things wrong a second time around.
The idea of abstaining from all physical contact so as to freshly unwrap the divine gifts from our Heavenly Father on our wedding night is a huge turn-on. On the flip side, fantasies of bringing a girlfriend to orgasm before marriage, or even recalling the activities of my youth, can be pretty hot as well.
Perhaps my ramblings could best be boiled down to this:
— I have been guilty of stepping outside God’s plan, and I do not want to do that again. I am acutely aware of the consequences for doing so and the shame, pain, and heartache that can arise from doing so.
— I am equally aware that many things I was taught as steadfast moral issues while growing up are actually nowhere in the Bible. (That’s one of the most awesome things about having a truly personal relationship with Christ – He will reveal Himself as HE wants you to know Him, not as MAN wants you to know Him!)
So, are the premarital activities described in the first segment of the Glorious Nipple’s story legitimately Biblically-permissible, so long as you simply “don’t park your Batmobile in the Bat Cave?” Can unmarried couples still engage in sexual exploration, release, and passion without sinning or jeopardizing a future in a God-focused marriage?
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