Missing my Big Bear
My dear MH family,
Well, it’s been a month since my dear sweet husband Ben passed on to be with our Lord in heaven. While I know that one day I will see him again, I will admit that it hasn’t been an easy road for me, as you may imagine.
Since his passing I have been staying with my daughter Alicia and her family. During a time like this you learn to appreciate your family and close friends. Spending this time with my two adorable grandchildren, as well as Alicia and Trey, has truly been a blessing. In a few weeks I will be heading down to Louisiana to spend some time with my daughter Kristie. Then later I will be going to Texas to spend some time with Randy and his beautiful wife.
For the past week I have been in counseling with my pastor which has really helped me. I still can’t bring myself to go back home. It is so painful for me, but I know one day I will have to face up to the fact that Ben will no longer be there. Alicia and Trey have offered to go to the house and remove Ben’s clothes and clean up. While they have gone to the house and cleaned, I asked them not to remove his clothes at this time. I just can’t bear the thought of his closet being empty. At least not yet.
If I may please ask for your continued prayers and support, it would be greatly appreciated. I do still log into MH occasionally. Although many of the stories bring back a lot of joyful memories, I must say that I often end up crying. I don’t know, maybe it’s too soon. Maybe it’s the guilt I sometimes feel when I find the stories arousing. I honestly don’t know. Funny as it may sound, my libido hasn’t faded as I thought it might. This is a double-edged sword, since I will no longer feel the warmth and affection of a man, because I just cannot see myself with someone else, nor will I ever commit myself to anyone else.
Since Ben’s passing I have deeply devoted myself to the Lord and scripture. I realize that certain things take priority and that sex isn’t the be-all-end-all. I haven’t masturbated since Ben got ill and passed away, though the desire and temptation still burns, especially when I log into Marriage Heat. I don’t know, maybe that will change in time. I so miss my big bear, the love of my life, my dear Ben.
You can never prepare yourself for such things, but I will endure as life goes on. Be sure to tell your family and loved ones that you love them everyday and every chance you get, for none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.
I love y’all, and may God Bless each and everyone of y’all!
Gina G. (Horny GG)
Hi GG, praying for you to be enveloped in the loving arms of the Father as you bask in the love of your family! The depth and passion of your love for Ben is evident in all of your writings, even now. Together you built a legacy of love!
Dear Gina, may the Lord bless and keep you in the days of sadness as you miss your Big Bear. You and Ben are an inspiration to so many on MH and other Christian marriage intimacy sites. You mean so much to many of us/me, and we care deeply for you. The Lord’s arms are wrapped around you and we do, too.
SilverGold
Dearest Gina,
I have been very concerned about you. You are frequently the main subject of many of my prayers. My Melody and I been inspired by your beautiful passion -filled stories and you & Ben’s example of love and faith. Thank you for your contributions to MH.
Your example of faith now is also very inspiring. I also know you will be with Ben again one day. But for now the separation is still so very difficult.
But your family’s love and support and the Lord’s love and his Holy Spirit are going to keep you going. I pray that the Comforter will give you peace.
Melody & I live with the constant possibility that one of us could pass suddenly. Our faith in the reality of the next life with God & each other helps us cope. We are not yet in yours & Ben’s situation but we know it will happen sooner or later. We can’t as yet comprehend the pain of this temporary separation that you are experiencing. But we pray for you to be comforted.
Your marriage has set a great example and for so many people & know you will be blessed for that. Ben’s spirit is alive as ever and I am sure he is watching over you and your family. We pray for your family as well. God bless you and thank you for the update.
Hello MH family,
I must make a correction. I stated in my post that I hadn't maturbated since Ben's passing. That isn't entirely true. I did masturbate once while taking a bath and had an orgasm thinking of Ben. I cried soon after.
I am so sorry for the mistake. It all has been a whirlwind.
Gina G.
I don’t think there’s any shame in what you did. Praying God’s blessings and comfort for you.
My mother still mourns my father passing after 11 years. I think it's absolutely normal to miss that person here on earth. My mother still has some of my father's clothes. She sold their house and moved closer to family.
No need to apologize about when or if you masturbate. I hope my wife masturbates to my memory after I pass.
My prayers are with you and your family. Have a blessed day.
I've been thinking of you.
Next month (January), it will have been four years since I lost my bride. It was sudden and it was horrible, but at the same time God's fingerprints were all over it and He walked me through it. He still is. I am closer to Him than ever.
Grieving is different for everyone. I had to learn to deal with all of her artifacts in the house because I had to live here. I learned to take one day at a time and one tear at a time.
For example, she and I used to watch certain movies over and over and I could not bear to watch them anymore, …until I was ready. Then some evening, I would decide to watch one and would shed a few tears as I did. Then when it was over, it was done. A small step.
I went through all of the phases. I wanted to die; that lasted fifteen seconds and I realized it was just the hurt. I couldn't bear the thought of ever loving someone again because the thought of going through the pain was unbearable; and that lasted a short time, too. I could not understand why I was having no visitors during the first year; and eventually realized I needed time alone. God, of course, knew all of this. I shot a lot of baskets in the park across the street.
I learned I had joined a club. I never knew the club existed, but I found myself a member a few months after she died. This was confirmed when I encountered a widow I knew and told her I had joined. She was puzzled at first, but when I explained she agreed.
When we are bonded with someone it hurts to be ripped apart. Our sex life was the best it had ever been, and had greatly contributed to our love for each other. God's ways are perfect. That's why it's called "making love."
It may sound trite, but God does have a plan. I am ready to date. The right bird in the bush is worth fifty in the hand. I have learned to walk with Him, and He has me right where He wants me.
It will take time. Never say never. Follow Him.
Blessings
Undeserving grace you are so wise. God bless you!
Hello !!
First, my deep condolences for your loss! My very first posts on Marriage Heat were a lot like yours. It’s been just over 6 years since we lost Kathy, although this time of year makes it seem like it just happened!! I remember at that time, that my libido went through the roof! It was so unexpected, but the folks here made it a lot easier to understand! I think the body remembers the endorphins that came from sex, whether it’s with a partner, or on our own! I remember feeling the sadness after my “ self care “ sessions, but I think our bodies “ know what they need “ . As far as the house clearing and all that, only do what you feel comfortable doing! You will know what that time frame will be! I just last month, turned in two boxes of the chemo medication we had here at the house. Bless you on this journey, and we’re always here to listen and help!!
My deepest condolences to you, I pray you find comfort during this difficult time.
My prayers continue to go out for you, Mrs. G. ❤
I pray along with Philippians 4:6-7, that God would keep your anxieties at bay, that he would move your heart to seek him more and more in prayer, and that as you make your requests, he would hear and answer them. I pray that his peace will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus, and that even in the midst of painful tragedy, he will hold you fast.
I have been reading stories on MH since 2017. Your stories about the love you and Ben have for each other are my favorites! I will continue to pray for you ongoing! So nice to hear that Randy is married. Congrats. May your family and close friends be a great comfort at this time. Please continue updating us about how you are doing. Blessings!
continuing to pray for and with you…
I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
GG I have thought of you so often and prayed for you. I can’t even fathom the grief you have. You and Ben had such a special relationship. You have been such examples of what marriage should and can be. I know you have encouraged me many times. My husband and I love your stories. The greater the love the harder the grief but God is with you every moment. So glad you have the love and support of your family and your church family as well. All the prayers coming your way will help you get through this. You will be together again someday sending hugs and prayers your way my friend
GG, I am so sorry for your loss. If we could hug you through a screen we would. What you’re going through is so unfathomably hard. I know nothing will replace your big bear and nothing feels the same. Your whole world fell apart.we are praying for you and I’ve thought of you often. I wish there was more I could say to comfort you but nothing I can say will come close to the comfort you need.I pray for the Lord’s peace. May he be with you and hold you. Your tears and prayers are precious in the sight of the Lord. I pray earnestly for comfort that only God can provide. I know you’re in such pain right now and nothing I could say will make it better but we are here for you and we care
Thank you, GG, for the beautiful testimony of both the love you and your husband shared and the love you and the Lord share. I confess, when I think of someday getting married and knowing that I may see my husband pass before me, that I get really sad and wonder if I could bear it. But then I am flooded with the knowledge that God has become so real to me during painful seasons, and His love can carry me through. I pray He continues to do that for you, and to fill you with joy at the thought of the reunion you will have with Ben. The Lord comfort and hold you!
You are amazing GG. Thanks for sharing your REAL emotions. And I highly support you caring for your libido… it’s a very real way to honor your memories with Ben. Grief and healing take time, and might take lots of different shapes. You have this community’s love and support!
Gina,
Why are you resisting the desire and temptation to masturbate?
It would be a wonderful way to honour Ben and the marriage you had.
How many times has Ben had the joy of watching you sexually pleasing yourself?
And you watching him, hard, stroking and making himself cum?
You have devoted yourself to the Lord and scripture.
Don't forget the gift of your body and sexuality. 1 Cor 6:20, "glorify God in your body"
Must I include my link to sexual purity?
https://marriageheat.com/2024/06/02/masturbation-as-sexual-purity/
Remember that a good, holy woman with her "hand dripping with myrrh", is biblical, Songs 5:5
And: https://marriageheat.com/2012/12/13/masturbating-woman-husbands-suggestion/#comment-1289
Yes, you may cry again, Ben loves you (present tense), your family love you, we love you, God loves you.
Be good, and good to yourself.
Happy Merry Christmas.
Sarah K
❤️
Sarah K.,
Thank you so much for your prayers and support during this difficult time in my life.
Also, thank you for this post and your words of wisdom.
You were so correct on many points. I don't believe Ben would want me to ignore my body's needs and desires.
As you know and I have stated many times that I have always been a proponent of masturbation and it's benefits. It's really not that I am fighting against masturbation, at least I don't mean too. It's just that it's somewhat painful for me right now. Like you said, for many years I have masturbated while Ben watched and watched him as he masturbated. Now that he isn't here, it's just different. Yes, he's been gone before for work and the like. And I had no problems masturbating then. But now he won't be coming home anymore and it's just different. He was my inspiration for writing.my stories. Now that he has gone, the inspiration has seemingly left with him. Maybe that will change in time, I don't know. I have masturbated once since he passed away and I cried my eyes out. I miss him so much. I miss talking to him, laughing with him, feeling his hugs and sweet kisses. I miss feeling the warmth of his body next to mine in our bed. I miss his cock and the sex we had. I miss all of this.
Yes, he still lives in my heart and one day I will see him again and it will be glorious. I will love him forever. No man will ever be able to fill the emptiness I feel. Ever!
I hope you read this. If not I will pray that the good Lord continues to guide you and bless you and your ministry on self love. Thank you!
Gina G. ( Horny GG )
I am touched that despite your pain, you prayed for my masturbation ministry, (I never thought of it as a ministry).
*** Help required. ***
P.S. I sent you a personal message on SotB a few days ago.
Our dear GG there are no words to express our sadness for your missing Big Bear. Just know we are standing alongside of you as you cry. We love you as one of our own. Hugs as you navigate through this dark valley. We are with you in prayer and in spirit. ❤️❤️
Our dear GG – There are no words to express our sadness for your missing Big Bear. Just know we are standing alongside of you as you cry. We love you as one of our very own family members. Hugs as you navigate through this dark valley. We are with you in prayer and in spirit. ❤️❤️
Dear GG, it's been a while since I have been here. I just read that Ben passed away. Which is hard to hear, and for you of course much harder to deal with now. It's a confusing time now, know that from my own mom. Take your time to mourn and let tears come through whenever needed. Prayers for you and your family. (from other platforms you know me as Jake Lively).
I lost my wife 12 years ago, and it has become easier in some ways, and still hurts in other ways. I had a friend who had asked me if I slept in the same bed she died on, and I did.
I was a Cop in the USAF and saw a lot of death. My sweethearts passing was hard, but I like sleeping where she did, because I’m comfortable with it.
You mentioned your Libido. I still have mine, and when I feel the need to Jack off, I remember her and the fun sexual time we had together. Or I make up a couple, or I use MH.
I hope you get the strength to return home, and when you’re comfortable there, think of you husband and an erotic love making, masturbate. He’ll be there, if not in spirit, but in your love for him.
Hey, Sarge,
I am also a former USAF cop. (My primary was LE. After reaching SSgt, I had to become dual-qualified in Security. I was also an EST leader at two bases, did some ABGD stuff, etc., etc.) Just wanted to say hello.
During a year in Korea, I studied Kung Fu (off-base!). After a conversation with our interpreter, who told me that my personality fits their model of the Bear, I had a bear stitched onto the back of my Kung Fu uniform. It looked pretty cool. (Too bad that it no longer would fit me….) 😉
Gina, I just saw this today. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Losing a living spouse is one of the hardest experiences anyone can endure in this life! May God continue to bless you and give you peace and strength. Your posts have been a blessing to many!