Masturbation Connection – The Bible is clear that husbands and wives are not to see their bodies – as merely their own. We have a God-honoring duty to serve each other sexually (1 Cor 7). With only a few exceptions, this is to be the regular pattern of married life. A husband and wife are to habitually fulfill each other sexually. This includes everything from emotional intimacy – all the way to orgasms.
The regular pattern is to engage physically with one’s spouse. Is this the only way to engage sexually? Does God expect military personnel and their spouses not to have any righteous sexual thoughts while apart? Or when job requirements separate for a time? Do we have a shut-off valve?
I am grateful for masturbation – when it is right.
I confess that prior to coming to faith, my masturbation was just an extension of the rest of my unbelieving life – all about me satisfying sinful lust.
I must also confess that I have used the good gift of masturbation in a sinful way more than I would like to admit since coming to faith in Christ. God’s Word and Spirit have given me self-control that gives me desire to want to please God in all areas of life – including my sex life. When I let my guard down and think of people I should not think of while masturbating – I confess it to the Lord and repent. I am grateful to God that masturbating in a sinful way is not the pattern of my new life in Christ.
Adultery is sexual activity between people – when at least one is married to another. Fornication is sexual activity between unmarried people. How are we married couples supposed to focus our masturbation thoughts righteously?
When is masturbation, Christian?
We are to masturbate to thoughts about our spouses.
The other morning, I masturbated in bed as my wife slept. She was not feeling her best – so I did not want to wake her for sex. I thought of her sucking my cock and grabbing both of my butt cheeks. As I fantasized, she was just feasting on my cock and going wild.
I was cupping my balls with my left hand and going to town on my shaft with my right hand. I didn’t have a towel – and I didn’t care. I had the most wonderfully powerful orgasm. I squirted huge amounts of cum on my t-shirt. It felt awesome. An hour later, when my beautiful wife awoke – I told her that I had had a huge orgasm. I showed her my still wet t-shirt.
Here is what I love about righteous masturbation: As I told her what I was thinking about when I was beating off – she immediately got a very ‘sexually naughty’ smile. She LOVED the pleasure she brought me – even through my fantasy of her. She was content in knowing that it was her mouth that was on my cock. It was her hands that grabbed my ass.
Yes, even without us physically coming together at that moment – we were the means of each other’s sexual satisfaction! I am contented in knowing that when my wife is playing with her cunt and boobs alone – that she is thinking about me. I also know (like me) that she isn’t always perfect in controlling her mind in this way. But, I know she lives to please the Lord – and is consistently successful in keeping her mind rightly focused on me.
I’m glad to know that our wonderful Savior forgives us – yet, still calls us to forsake our sin and follow Him. It is part of the battle against the sinful nature. Romans 6 clearly teaches that Christians are no longer slaves to sin.
By God’s grace, my wife and I have grown in our ability to masturbate to the glory of God. God grants us the fruit of self-control – as we acanthink of each other while masturbating.
Just as in Song of Solomon, when the man and the Shulamite were able to ponder each other’s bodies. They were certainly hot thoughts. They were almost married – but not yet. Their thoughts were about the righteousness of the sex they would have as covenant partners in marriage.
My wife and I do this very thing – fantasize about our sex together.
Almost all of what I fantasize about comports with the reality of what we do. Sometimes I think of having sex in places we’ve never had sex in. I often masturbate to the thought of watching my wife – as she is face down and going at it with her vibrator! She actually does this – so that fantasy is based on reality!
I also masturbate to the thoughts of my wife telling me to ‘fuck her harder’. Or, ‘to stick my finger in her ass’. Another favorite is when she is breathlessly telling me she is about to cum! I also love to think of her on top of me, making her boobs hit my face over and over again from side to side – as I feel her hard nipples hit my eyelids! I fantasize her standing in front of me and bent over – from behind, I see her pulling her pussy open wide…then her butt hole – all for my pleasure. I fantasize about cumming on her tits and face. I fantasize of her cumming while I’m licking her butt and fingering her pussy – or the other way around.
The great thing is that after 27 years of marriage – we have a huge “Greatest Hits” pool to draw from in our fantasizing. We’ve done so many different enjoyable things sexually – it is like a smorgasbord to choose which “song” I’ll masturbate to in my mind. The star is always to be my wife!! Our years of horniness has filled the hard-drive of our hearts and minds with wonderful sexual, orgasmic fantasies.
Even more, as I’ve said – these fantasies are based on our realities.
All of these things are realities I experience – and I draw on them at the moment I am playing with my dick. Because of my sexy wife – I do not need to think about other women! Nor does she need to think about other men.
So, when I tell my wife that I masturbated – I also tell her what I was thinking about, and what brought me to shoot my huge load of cum. And guess what? It usually puts us both in the mood to have sex real soon. The same is true when she tells me about what she was thinking of when she masturbated.
So, the masturbation connection does not hinder our oneness or sexual regularity. I can honestly say that my wife’s and my masturbation patterns enhance our lovemaking – and increase our frequency!
For this and more – I am thankful to the Lord who made us! He has equipped us to serve Him and each other with gladness.
From the Marriage Heat Team: We feel this is an important teaching on Christian masturbation. In our opinion, the imagination has been so corrupted that Christians struggle with shame and guilt on this topic. Christian husbands and wives often do not talk about their fantasy life and masturbation is hidden and done in secret. We believe this article should prompt conversations in our Christian marriages. Thanks loving husband for giving this thoughtful article about masturbation.
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