Sex over the Years

After over 25 years of marriage, I can look back on what is probably a history of making love with my wife an estimated 2000 to 2500 times.  I have realized that our past sex can be grouped into a few categories of how each session turned out.  I am going to take a little time to list these categories, explain some of the criteria for each category, and then share my rating of each category in terms of memories and enjoyment.   To the many other “experienced” couples on this site, I would be curious how this compares with your experiences and how you would categorize your sexual practices over the years.

My first category, and obviously my least favorite, I will term “I need to talk to you first” sex.  It typically plays out like this.  We are in bed on a typical night preparing to make love, and we move into foreplay with a little kissing.  My hands starting to roam about her body, but she seems distant and often does nothing more than rub the hair on my arm lightly.  At this point, I stop the progression of touching her because I know she wants to deal with something.  Unfortunately, it is usually something that she needs to call me out for, like not doing what I should be doing as a father, and it totally turns me off to wanting to make love.  Usually, we do still end up having sex but not until she tells me, “I still love you” and “I still want to make love,” but it really does take me a bit to get back in the mood.  Only once did I actually tell her she had ruined the mood so much that I didn’t want to make love.  While she may feel more emotionally connected after these “talks,” the sex to me seems very mechanical as I just try to finish and am mentally much more focused on what I am supposed to fix about my behavior.  I believe this situation of confronting me on something in our relationship when we are about to make love is often a result of raising a busy family so that we don’t have enough time to communicate elsewhere about problems, so my wife saves them for the times we have reserved for making love since she knows she will have my attention.  Needless to say, we are trying now to find better solutions to that situation.

The second category I would call “go ahead and enjoy yourself.”  This is very similar to the third category coming up next, which makes up a vast majority of our intimate sessions, the difference being that at some time during intercourse my wife realizes that she is probably not going to orgasm or doesn’t want to stay up too long or make me work that hard for her pleasure.  I often sense it too and ask, “What can I do for you?” which means is there some other position or something else she would like to help bring about her orgasm.  Her response in these times is, “No, you go ahead and enjoy.”  It is basically a free pass to make love to her in whatever way I prefer at that moment and to orgasm whenever I am ready without worrying about her pleasure.  Obviously, this is great sex, but I would put it one step below the next category. I miss out on that special pleasure and connection of enjoying mutual orgasms because of what I can do to serve her.

The “normal” or “basic” lovemaking would make up the next category and probably comprises 75% or so of the times we make love.  Calling it basic or normal does not do it justice because it is wonderful, passionate, pleasurable sex.  I often remark to her how amazing it is that, after 25 years of making love to the same woman, my cock gets hard as soon as she crawls up next to me in one of her sexy outfits—or even just when our lips meet and I anticipate the enjoyment of what will happen next.  This basic or normal sex is actually usually planned; currently, unless some other event changes our schedule, we make love every Monday and Friday night.  We both know to show up to our marriage bed clean, shaven face in my case, wearing lingerie for her, and ready to give and enjoy.  Of course, there is nothing normal about two married partners enjoying some connecting conversation, passionate kissing, hands roaming each other bodies, some oral pleasures (me much more for her than her on me), and finally intercourse.

Longer sessions consist of multiple positions and, more often than not, her on top where she rides herself to orgasm. If I still haven’t cum, she gives me the opportunity to pick a finishing position.  I have learned over time to tell by her talk, breathing, eyes, etc. when she is close to orgasm, and I know not to suggest a position change at that point.  I passionately keep doing whatever got her there, wait to watch her orgasm, and when it subsides see her open her eyes and sigh, “That was so nice,” and, “Where do you want me now?” if I still need to cum.  What a wonderful proposition!  I can finish pretty quickly in any rear-entry position (with doggy style certainly my favorite,) but I actually don’t do that very often. Ultimately I prefer the intimacy of a face-to-face orgasm as my wife admittedly enjoys seeing the throes of pleasure that she puts me into when I finally release my cum into her.

The fourth category I would call “something special” and actually consists of two subcategories.  This category is marked by the times that we plan something special or different related to our lovemaking.  It may be a special date out that proceeds it, a sexy game that our lovemaking is centered around, maybe a different than normal location in the house (or even outside the house), or sometimes a special occasion such as a birthday or anniversary.  These are my favorite because of the variety it adds.  Often it’s the extra excitement from the planning and anticipation, or also the fact that it usually lasts longer than a normal session.  These are usually the times that something new might be tried, which of course brings maximum excitement, or a new outfit or toy is introduced for the first time.

The two categories within this “something special” classification are sessions I plan and sessions she plans.  I have come up with some fun and exhilarating ways for us to enjoy sex, but my all-time favorites have to be the rare times I can convince my wife to plan something.  They end up being creative and very exciting for me because of the buildup and anticipation. And my favorite part is that the planning and thinking about how she can please me always ends up being the biggest turn on for her.  When, at some point in one of these evenings, I find out her pussy is wetter and more slippery than normal, I know she is extremely excited about what she has planned, how it has lit my fire, and the exciting ending it will bring.

So there you have it: Four main categories I would put our lovemaking sessions in from worst to first.  I would love all of you to comment on how these are similar or different from your sex history and hopefully you have something to share that would help this old dog learn a new trick or two.