Sexual Overdrive after Two Decades
Do Women Hit Their Sexual Peak in their Forties?
My wife and I have been married for 20 years. We’re both 46, and we have pre-teen children. She is a very beautiful woman, and her genetic blessings have even further revealed themselves as she’s aged—she’s gotten only more strikingly beautiful. She is a wonderful mother, and we’ve always been best friends. We are very much in love.
For the first 16 or 17 years of marriage, the sex was good. My sex drive has always been extremely high, and I would say that for that period, hers was average. We experimented now and then. She’s never been prudish about anything, really. It has been fun being married to a woman I am deeply in love with and who is also beautiful inside and outside.
About three or four years ago (when she was 42 or 43), I noticed she started becoming much more sexual. She started wanting more sex. She began to talk very graphically to me. We even started sexting. She requested doggy-style sex (which she had never been into) and then asked me to spank her in the act. Whereas she used to be shy about masturbating in front of me, now she’s totally into it and likes me to do it in front of her, as well. She’s developed almost a fetish for my semen (that has been fun). And she now has a vibrator and dildo that we use in the bedroom (her idea). Now she likes to simulate MMF sex in the bedroom with me and her dildo. When we go out on dates, she does things in public places to get me worked up—like rubbing my cock under a table—that would have been unthinkable four or five years ago. She also seems to enjoy wearing somewhat revealing clothing when we’re out on dates.
It has been a lot of fun because my sex drive has always been super high. And it’s only getting more intense. But this behavior I’m seeing from her can be surprising at times. Simulating MMF sex with me and her dildo shocked me a bit, I will admit, but it has been fun. Some of the things she’s said to me in the act have been incredibly graphic.
I have asked her a few times what’s happened with her suddenly super-high sex drive, and she just smiles and asks, “Don’t you like it?” She has indicated that it’s not uncommon for women in their forties to hit their sexual peak.
My question is: Is this normal? Have any of you experienced this in your marriages?
You can read and answer other questions to the MarriageHeat Community on the Is It Okay? category page.
Unfortunately, not in terms of drive, no. My wife has become a little less inhibited, but the drive has really never kicked in. Curious about what exactly you mean by MMF simulation. What does she like to do? My wife loves to cum with a dildo in her pussy,, but what else?
Hey Happy Husband: Thanks for your comment! On your question, a perfect example would be my wife giving me a blowjob while her dildo is basically in her pussy. Sometimes I'll have the dildo in hand and sometimes she'll have it in her hand. She also enjoys very light anal play with her dildo when we're in doggy style position.
My wife is in her early 40s… and I hope and pray she “blooms” in the next few years. She is possibly asexual, although about 20 mins into sexual play she does start to respond physically and almost always orgasms. At best she has an ultra-low libido. She promised me in December that she would get thyroid and hormone levels checked out… but then Coronavirus. Ugh. If she started desiring sex…. it would change my life in the best way!! If she ASKED to get doggie style, it would blow my mind!! Here’s hoping that your theory is correct!!
Good question. But, I really don't have an answer because we have been married 40 years. I really don't remember her being "overly-sexual" in our 40s. She has always had a very low sex drive and mine has been very high. We should have talked more about it before we were married, but you didn't talk about those things back then.
I think Ben would say that I am " overly sexual ". I would have to agree with him as I so love to fu- I mean screw ?
Stay horny ya'll!
❤ GG
My wife is now 47 1/2 years old. Right around her 46th birthday she started behaving more sexual, initiating more often, wearing tighter more revealing clothes, wearing more sexy lingerie, assuming more provocative positions in the bedroom for seduction, offering doggy style sex more often, accepting more toy use for herself, we started mutual masturbation (which never happened before), she gave oral more often, having sex outside more often, and she started accepting more sexy language use by me (yet is reluctant to use it herself still). Some of these changes in behavior I believe are due to her hitting a peak, others are due to her being encouraged by a mentor to amp up the sexuality in our marriage, but unfortunately a third reason is that she had an online emotional affair about a year ago and during that time she became more aggressive than usual. That EA involved them talking about their respective sex lives and what they would do to each other if they ever had sex together. As a result she started acting out some of these "fantasies" with me. While I had fun, I was also wondering why she was suddenly aggressive. Once I found out about the EA and it ended, I now had an understanding as to where the sexual high came from. Since I found out though, our sex life has slowly regressed, but some positive things have remained sexually. As she heals, I hope our sex life can increase and grow once again.
HeSaid-SheSaid: I'm so sorry to hear of your wife's emotional affair. May your marriage continue to heal. On my situation, I am 100% certain that is not the case here. I just think my wife has gotten more sexual and it's probably a product of her age and maybe just feeling more confident as a successful woman who is more beautiful now than ever. I will say the first subtle cue I got was a few years ago when 1) she wanted doggy style more often and 2) when in doggy style she went from her hands on the bed to down on her elbows, which opens her up a bit more to aggressive sex in that position, which she then starts asking for. From there, it's all been pretty wild.
I think there can be a very wide range in what "normal" means for married sex. The only real "normal" should be that both partners are happy and satisfied with what they have. It sounds like you are – is that correct? Or do you feel threatened by her new appetites and aggressiveness, and her taste for MMF? Most men reading this would consider you to be a very lucky guy, but perhaps it is too much to handle.
There is plenty of evidence that some women do experience a hormonal wakening in middle-age as their bodies change. And any change in one partner will have effects for both, positive and/or negative. That mutual dependence is the real "normal" in married sex.
AdamW: I mostly like it but there are times when it's kind of surprising. Simulating MMF sex has been hard for me at times but I've gone along. Her increased craving for my semen and the wild things she's been doing with it? Well, that's been fun :-).
My husband would say I am over sexual just like GG’s husband. I love sex always have! I love to explore new things and keep things interesting! I think I hit a new peak after I turned 50!
Southernheat, if my wife also hits her peak when she's 50, wow, I can't imagine what the next 3.5 years are gonna look like because what's going on now is pretty wild!
In reply to marriedtoahotbabe. There is nothing hotter than sucking my husband while a vibrator or dildo is being used on my pussy sends me over the edge pretty quick.
Southernheat, the first time the MMF thing happened she was giving me a blowjob (laying on her side while I was on my knees next to her) and then she took her dildo in her hand (we'd been playing with it pre-blowjob), spread her legs and inserted it into her pussy, thrusting it in and out. It's a pretty large dildo. Was freaking wild to watch her use it on herself and then I took over. She then began massaging her clit (which is a requirement for her to orgasm) and within 5 or 6 minutes came hard (with my cock still in her mouth). Well, as you can imagine, all of that sent me over the edge and then I just exploded with cum. Was insanely amazing. All that said, it's been a process of adjustment for me because I keep asking myself why she needs a "second cock."
MarriedtoaHotBabe – I don't think it's about her wanting a "second cock". For me, it's always been something I've wanted to do when I'm married to my future husband: I give him oral but I have a vibrator or dildo in my pussy.
It's more about the rawness and intensity of the fact that she's almost being overstimulated so it sends her wild and that's why she enjoys it (that's personally why doing something like this would turn me on so much). A bit like what Southernheat mentioned below, it's more about doing something crazy and providing her with the ability to be "filled" in every way possible but having the freedom to let go with your husband in a safe space with no judgement rather than "I need a second cock to enjoy this". That's how I think about it anyway.
Maybe speak to your wife, she's always going to be the best person to explain why she enjoys the extra stimulation if it truly is something you're having issues getting your head around.
Women's sexuality typically improves with age. By her 30's my wife no longer needed artificial lube, and steadily improved from there.
Menopause can be a great thing once it is over. All hormone levels drop, but estrogen typically drops more, leaving a better testosterone/estrogen ratio. She became multi-orgasmic and started squirting after menopause.
ILoveMarriage, fortunately, my wife has never need artificial lube but, similar to your experience, I have noticed she's much wetter these days than a few years ago. And she can stay wetter for much longer. Will be interesting to see what comes after menopause. That is one thing that really sucks for my wife. She is in the place where her periods right now are brutally awful with horrible cramping (normal for some women her age).
Marriedtoahotbabe, my wife was having nasty periods, they were depleting her iron reserves which in turn lowered her energy. She had an ablasion done last December, she can barely tell she has a period now. She has started having the odd hot flash here and there now, but her iron and energy are up. A neighbor lady who hadn't seen my wife for a few months commented the other day how healthy and alive looking she is now.
I think we all change over the years. My husband certainly guided me into trying new things. Having a fantasy threesome was one of those. They say your mind is the most powerful sex organ and if you buy into what you are pretending to do, you will enjoy it. Not sure which of us enjoyed our MMfs more, me or him. Could the real act be as enjoyable as our imagination? I will never know.
SecondMarge: Thanks for your perspective. Tell me more about fantasy threesome, please. Wondering if this is what it's all about with my wife.
I had a FFM threesome in college. Fun, but both had awkward moments.
It started with just sex talk while using the dildo on me. We found describing it as a person turned both of us on. My husband and our “friend” taking turns inside me or my husband licking my clit while our “friend” f’d me. And things of that nature. We had fun and found there was nothing wrong with our pretend threesome even when we tested pretending he was a specific person.
I know people that have had FFM that recommend it highly to me. I read an article by a theologian that there is nothing in the Bible against doing it. Now that I’m alone I may read the article with more interest.
I don’t Believe she’s thinking of another cock. I’m not fantasizing about being with anyone else it’s just I love sucking his cock It turns me on so much that my orgasm is much more intense than just using the vibrator. It’s like all my my inhibitions disappear and the rawness of sex takes over in that moment.
Southernheat, you've made my undies wet with precum reading about how you enjoy sucking your husband while using a vibrator. MMF and MFF fantasies are huge turn-ons for me, it has shifted more to MMF I believe because you can role play with toys. I love suggesting my wife is at the Dr or getting a massage and things get a little heated. Our last fantasy session, the Dr. was doing his hot nurse in the room next door while we waited to see him. The sounds drove my wife wild and she pulled out her pocket vibe to play along just as she made her panties wet the Dr knocked at the door. I thought she would be embarrassed, but she embraced it and asked the doctor for a full exam of her wet pussy. Dr dildo pounded away hard and I got to finish her, like in most fantasy role-plays. The comments of MMF at the same time have given me some new ideas, hope my Hotstuff is open to play along; taking two cocks at once may "overcum" her.
Southernheat, your husband is a lucky guy. My wife also loves to suck my cock–it gets her pretty turned on and it's not uncommon for giving me oral and making me cum in her mouth to be her only goal. That has never been a question. It's just interesting to me that she now wants a dildo in her pussy while in the act.
Would it be so bad to think of the dildo as a real cock? After all real ones feel so much better.
Replying to Second Marge: So last night things got intense between us and out came the giant dildo. With the dildo in her pussy and her basically f’ing herself with it and my cock in her mouth, I asked her if she wanted the dildo or another cock. She said (taking my cock out of her mouth, of course) only me and the dildo. I asked what if it was another cock, and she replied she’d like that but she enjoyed her dildo and my cock more. So there’s that.
I think your wife has the right idea. Even as Christians, we can admit that the idea of something is exciting, that imagining or acting out the fantasy is pleasurable, even that we think we'd enjoy the act (at least in the short term.) But we also acknowledge that God, who created humans and relationships, knows best how to order those relationships to the benefit of all involved. Whether his guidance revolved around the protection of women and children by their being considered the "property" or right and responsibility of one man as we see in the OT or was meant to spiritually represent the right relationship between Christ and the Church as Paul tells us in the NT, we can see that obedience is to our good. I, like your wife, would rather sexually explore and find novelty in toys or roleplay or power exchange than bring another real human being into the bedroom. That, I believe, is what marriage is all about: meeting each other's needs in a deeply intimate, non-judgemental relationship. If we all had that, why would anyone ever cheat?
Not anything unusual, at least concerning my wife. She got more and more bold as she approached 40.
As far as dildo play, she really got into using one or me using one in her while I also licked her clit Like crazy. Her fantasy wasn’t a MMF one though, it was a me-being-double-jointed thing. :O
Yep, we do that too (me licking her clit while basically f'ing her with the dildo). Drives her insane. But what she really likes is sucking my cock while the dildo is in her pussy. It sends her over the edge.
I know it is not comfortable for most Christians to acknowledge their fantasies of having sex with someone other than their spouse, but I think it is more common than most would be comfortable with admitting. In fact, I'll take it even further…I suspect it is almost universal for all humans to imagine what sex would be like with someone other than their spouse. It is when we do anything to create such an event or plan for any such event that we are moving far outside the Spirit's guidance and into very dangerous territory.
The older couples grow, it is not uncommon, especially for men, to need external help in creating sufficient stimulation to reach orgasm. My wife tells me this is equally true for her as well. This is where the stories on MarriageHeat are especially helpful. We imagine being in the room, or on the beach, or at the restaurant, or on the beach where the stories portray their enjoyment of sex, and watching the couple enjoy the sex that is written about here. We see, in our mind's eye, her sexy breasts, his erect penis, her wet pussy. We can hear the sounds they make as they near orgasm. We are there with them in our minds. There is nothing sinful about such fantasy. It is a capacity given by God and is just fine as long as it doesn't lead to the seduction of anyone outside our marriage.
So, even if she is giving you a blow job and imagining some movie star's cock thrusting in and out of her pussy, all is fine so long as she is capable of keeping fantasy as fantasy and doesn't find herself moving towards actualization of her fantasy.
When couples allow themselves to feel guilt over such imaginations, I think it is because they are still wrestling with the historical false conditioning that Christianity has so long lived under. Sex is wonderful. Imagining sex with someone other than our spouse is normal. Pursuing sex outside marriage is terribly dangerous. Keeping these boundaries clear at all times should help keep all of us far from fornication and adultery, as well as enjoying an intense sexuality with our spouses.
You put it very well. When my husband first brought up the fantasy of watching me have sex with a friend of ours, then joining in I was puzzled. Realizing how turned on he was by the fantasy I responded to make the fantasy real in his mind by describing the action. It freed my own reaction to the fantasy and I became very excited when we used it usually during foreplay but sometimes during intercourse.
Anything that helps make sex hotter that remains in the mind was acceptable. Other people was the one that helped him get hard the best. Sometimes it was just a man and/or woman we saw at the restaurant, in a movie, or coworker(s).
Never led to the real thing. Sometimes I relive them alone with my toys. Nothing evil or sinful about any of it.
Like I mentioned earlier, I have done a FFM threesome (back in college). I was also involved in a few other things that were pretty wild during college but will not elaborate on those. All of them were fun for sure, but they overrated when compared to really powerful sex with the one you love. I'll take alone with my wife engaged in hot kinkiness any day of the week over anything else. Just my take.
Yes, this is very normal for us. Both our parents were very active into their late years and the same seems to be for us. Good genetics, healthy clear clean lifestyle, serving a great and mighty God!
Yep, agree 100% with you. At nearly 47, I can honestly say my sex drive is the same, if not higher, than when I was 18. I am harder than ever and can get it up and keep it up a loooooooong time. The only area where I've slipped is the volume of my ejaculate has decreased just a tad. My wife is definitely way hornier now than ever before. Thank goodness I haven't skipped a beat–I can now enjoy it!
SecondMarge, you certainly made your marriage special with your shared fantasies with your husband! You were both blessed! TheMarriageBed PM’s are interesting where you give advice.
They did not like my comments there. I didn’t like the personal attacks. Some very unChristian attitudes, in my experience.
So, I'm the new kid on the block here, but not in marriage. My wife & I have been married 29 years. We're 52 now. Her sex drive has gradually increased from near-prude to adventurous when I encourage the right way. I was hoping for a drastic change like you've experienced. No such luck. I'm still very happy with our sex life.
As far as the other man thing, my wife & I have talked in fantasy about it, but for her she doesn't like even the fantasy of the entanglement of another person. She likes to think of there being two of me (somehow). We do play with toys…some of them for her penetration.
I occasionally write erotic stories for us to enjoy together. I have developed a fictional married couple who play the leading roles in all my stories. Based on her fantasy of there being two of me, I wrote a story. It gave her a pretty big thrill (which gives me a big thrill).
As far as advice, hang on for the ride! You have what many of us pray for. Enjoy it. Explore it. Do all you can to fulfill her newfound lust for you.
Ah, one of my favorite fantasies! Back when I used to watch The Flash, I liked imagining what it would be like to have a "time remnant" of my husband from a few minutes before…
SecondMarge, have you checked it lately? You might want to try it again.
Thanks for being interested but it isn’t my choice. I feel badly because I was messaging with many people there and almost all voiced support for me. Now I can’t even reply to their messages. The people here are much nicer, too bad we have no messaging option.
True. 🙁
My wife is early 40's.. and like marriedtoahotbabe, she's never been a prude and we've always been sexual, but now she's in overdrive (AND I LOVE IT). She's almost starting to catch up to me (if she's high drive I'm hyper drive).
AlwaysReady: Indeed. And it's not how often she now wants it but rather how she wants it.
We are a Muslim couple. Me Zahid and wife Shazia. Both in our early mid 30's. After our second child, sex craving of my wife went to overdrive. We indulge in fantasies in our bedroom. Once I convinced her to introduce our Dildo friend "Leonardo" in our blessed marriage, it has been a roller coaster ride. Her sex craving multiplied several times. We set up a wall mounted dildo in our bathroom for hot shower sex. Leonardo didn't disappoint. He has been a great service to my wife. One day came back from work and heard loud moaning. Figured out coming from our shower. Guess what, my sweet innocent Shazia who prays five times a day, pushing her ass back and forth on Leonardo's full length. Didn't have to waste a second. Stripped out of my office clothes and put my cock right in front of my wifes face. Always ends up in great blowjob. Ahhh, I love my wife.
Wow. Dude, a wall-mounted dildo is epic. Thanks for sharing.
Leonardo? Haha. My toy is named after a GF of mine's man. Would love to read why hers is Leonardo and whether you ever tried it.
Thanx brother. You have no idea how much the mere sight of her taking another "cock" sends me over the edge. I want to take it to the next level. I have an urge to introduce ejaculating dildos that squirt on command. That way we will have more personal and realistic experience. It will be a two way fill-up of cum—her mouth and pussy.
Secondmarge: Actually we never planned on any names until the package arrived.The name was on the package "Realistic Dong Leonardo Dildo".hahaha
And we just went for it.She didn't want to visit sex shop yet and very nervous.It was an online order.And since its arrival she has been stretched good.I said in my previous comments that she is a lot of woman.she is blessed with a big booty.Built like a true Arab woman.That automatically demands penetration with big dick.As far as me is concerned,the only thing that went inside my ass is her finger.But again,we have just started.I did suck that dong right after it was milked in her hot pussy though.
I bet your wife was turned on watching you suck her cum off that imitation but realistic-looking cock. I think it’s great you are making sure she is satisfied even if it takes two "cocks".
SecondMarge: She gave me an awe-inspiring look. Look of lust. As they say, Sex may be basic, but desire can seduce the whole brain. To see her sexual energy increase such high level was sensational to me. It translates to our daily work life. We feel more encouraged. Anyway i'm working on three stories now. One is a fantasy of my wife playing playing cello in an orchestra in her bathing suit. 2nd story is a camping tour with a christian couple friends and lastly how a comment from my arch rival co-worker about my wife's ass made me horny instead of angry and resulted in hot sex marathon in our martial bed. Really excited to share these stories with you guys. And yes for her satisfaction anything.Why not three cocks,or four or five. Maybe i should order more dildos so that "Leonardo" could make his gang ;). All for my "hotwife".
If your 40+ wife starts hormone replacement therapy that contains a small amount of testosterone, she will turn into a sex craving lover. Enjoy!
We love your stories so much. Been on MH for almost 2 weeks and it has added a lot of spice to the bedroom. My wife hit 40 this year, and it is so true. Sex has always been good, but the last 4 to 6 months have been beyond mindblowing. As you mentioned, I always had a high sex drive, but since she hit 40, hers has grown so much. She never has had multiple orgasms till now, and I love it. She has started shaving down there, which turns me on so much and feels unreal to her, as well.
Thank you so much, Giants05! The 40s are great! Keeping screwin'!