Frequency and Variety

Often differences come up in a marriage over sexual frequency and sexual variety.  Usually it is the husband that wants more of both, but sometimes it is the wife.   Either way, the Bible tells us that our body belongs to our mate.   I am not saying that the answer can’t sometimes be “Not tonight”, but I am saying that it can’t be “Not much for the next several months”.  My wife felt like I was always pursuing her, everyday, and always wanted more variety too.   I felt like I was being told “Not tonight” to often and she was not open to enough variety.   However, we do have pretty good communication on the topic and we came up with a solution that I would like to share.

We agreed on a number of times per month for sex, our number was 9 because that works out to just over twice a week during a year’s time.   Your number will likely be something different, but do work to reach an agreement.  Then I said that I would like one of the 9 times to be a night where she is willing to be open to more variety.  So it worked out to 8 regular loving nights of sex, and one wild or fantasy night.  This way she did not feel like she had to keep turning me down all the time, and the sexual variety nights were limited to just 12 per year. It worked well for us.  You may want to use marbles or something to keep count, 8 whites and one red at the beginning of each month.  But mostly, discuss the issue with your mate and find a compromise that works for both of you.

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