Talking to Children About Masturbation

Question for everyone. Please share your experiences of masturbation as a child and teenager. Did your parents ever talk to you about it? Did you feel guilty? Were there some times you felt it was done as a result of sinful lust, and other times it seemed ok?

As a parent, have you talked to your children about masturbation? Would your advice differ between a son and daughter?

From my own experiences as a young man growing up, I feel strongly that this is something parents should discuss with their kids. Letting your son or daughter “figure things out” with no guidance on the subject is setting them up the potential for years of unnecessary guilt or on the flipside, regretful addictions and struggles with porn, etc.

As a young father, I want to give my kids a Godly view of sexuality.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

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44 replies
  1. SecondMarge says:

    I learned nothing of value from my parents except to never touch myself. And I didn’t until well after I was married. I tried to do the right thing with my son. My husband had passed away and it was left to me to have the sex talk with a teen boy with raging hormones. I vowed total honesty. To say he was curious is an understatement. Talking about his erect penis, how I liked to be touched, my erect nipples and other awkward topics brought out many emotions. The mother/son dynamic is one Freud and other psychologists spent a lot of time discussing. I did the best I could and we continue to talk openly about sex. He still has questions about things he experiences and if and how I masturbate. Like the difference when I was and wasn’t married, when my husband is away. Needless to say teen boys have it on their mind. Maybe my parents not saying anything made me too open about issues I could have simply avoided by saying they were private.

    • IndyDad says:

      The mom and son dynamic is almost as complicated as the dad and daughter one. How awkward you found yourself, Marge, having to talk about masturbation with your son. I think society puts negative taboos on what is basically human nature. For example, for most boys their mom (or maybe a sister) is the first female they see in their underwear – that's just an innocent thing that happens. But it does leave an impression on a boy.

    • natural_gardener says:

      Marge,

      My mother was the only parent I felt comfortable talking to about very personal things – my father was a good man, but had a sort of distance about him. Neither of them were good about talking about such things, but there were times I wish I could have talked to my mom about it as I spent more time with her than my dad. And there were tons of questions I had about women's bodies and such.

      I think most men wonder about women, period. Even women they know or are close to in a non-dating sense. My mom wasn't able to talk about those things and I feel bad for her too, because she was of a generation where "good girls dont" – and though it may seem odd to say, I hope she was able to find pleasure and satisfaction in her femininity too.

    • JAM777 says:

      I applaud you Ms. Marge on your courage to face a situation that must have been awkward at times, but you pushed through it. I respect you greatly for this.

      I grew up without having had the "talk." The only thing I got was the awkward and crude humor my parent often use but mainly my dad, movies with sexual content, and then hearing my parents having sex at night and sometimes during the day.

      It wasn't until my friend, Susanna, who has become more family than a lot of my family.
      She grew up in a similar environment to me. Except where I wasn't raised in a Christian environment, she was the polar opposite and sex wasn't talked about.

      Anyway, she opened the floor to me about questions I had and I finally got answers, real answers to questions I had and some I didn't know I had!
      A good and Christian view but knowing that sex is a wonderful and beautiful thing within the boundaries God created it in.
      It was awkward at times, mainly for me because I had become so closed off from the subject. She also answered questions I had from the female's perspective and gave me ideas for how I want to treat my future wife!

      So, like my friend Susanna, you are probably a hero to him on so many levels!

    • SecondMarge says:

      IndyDad and NaturalGardner

      Awkward doesn’t begin to describe it. When your mind is forming words about the things that give you sexual pleasure and your own body and the male in front of you’s body is also reacting to your words something inside screams “just shut up”. Realizing my nipples were hard and being observed and his pants had a bulge and the questions were getting more intimate it feels so wrong to continue. My thoughts and descriptions building on one another and every part of my body reacting wishing I were alone yet another question that needs a reply reaches my ears.

      Being a single parent certainly has its challenges. But it brought us very close.

      Thanks for the kind words. I did what I felt was needed.

    • SecondMarge says:

      IndyDad

      Almost? Girls are always easier to deal with and don’t walk around constantly with a bulge to remind you what they are thinking about. Guilt from wondering if your clothes or lack of them caused that bulge? Luckily they grow out of that stage.
      It does bring up the questions of what age you no longer do certain things with opposite sex children. So I do appreciate Dad’s have concerns too with the talk and their actions.

  2. PacMan says:

    Great topic and I love your perspective and thoughtful Q’s. My parents did a poor job on “the talk” and I was mostly left to figure everything out. I had a wet dream at 14 and days later was rubbing my dick head against my leg and ejaculated. Both times I had no idea (biologically) what was happening or what an ejaculation was, but I knew it felt great. So I soon became an avid masturbator, but definitely felt shameful, secretive, and no idea that it was a shared experience with 99.9% of other teenage boys… I thought I was more alone. •• When our oldest 2 were in middle school, I talked to my son and wife talked to my daughter. Part of our birds and bees talk was just to say, “When you touch yourself and give yourself pleasure, that’s called Masturbation. Some families and some churches have differing feelings about it, but your mom and I are pro-masturbation. We think it’s normal and natural, and you should feel free to do that. But we request that you do that privately in your own room.” We hope that the 10 seconds it took to say that shatters the YEARS of unwarranted guilt and shame I carried with me.

    • Faith says:

      I have a similar experience too, the first time I don't know exactly what is going with me, but the sensation it brings feel greate, touching myself and rubbing my dick it brings pleasure to me and later ejaculated. I never talk about this topic with my parent nor they share any information with me! I search the internet then know what is going with me, again the same feeling guilty about it, doing it then feeling guilty again avoid it, even I remember I told myself that you are allowed to masturbate only twice in a week, not more than this! but as time passes and seeing others experience I accept it and enjoy it without any regret as I know that it has been some years to get married with the right girl!

  3. Hisdesign says:

    Regretfully, I handled my kid’s sex conversation exactly like mine was handled, there wasn’t one.
    For many years, shame controlled my entire relationship to my sexuality. It was a topic that filled my thought life, but nary a word left my lips.
    I discovered masturbation at around 12 years of age. Early on, I didn’t stroke my penis, I rode the edge of the bed, creating sensations like you’d get when you climb a rope.
    I remember my first full on orgasm, a completely dry one, I was sliding along the edge of the bad, and as I started to slide off the bed head first, I wiggled my groin against the edge, and as my head slowly descended into a giant plastic battleship replica, it hit me. I had no idea what it was.
    Maybe 1-2 years later, I changed over to stroking it, and it took much trial and error to finally cum. Maybe 2 years later I ejaculated for the first time.
    That began a lifelong connection to my own sexual pleasure that has never stopped. The physical pleasure has been a constant, but the erotic facets of it led to fascinations, fetishes, and fancies that have included exhibitionism, voyeurism, masturbating with other people, fetishes regarding the smaller than average dimensions of my erect penis, ejaculation quantity, force, and distance, just a lot of different aspects over a decades long connection to pleasuring my own body. After so many years and thousands of orgasms, some extremely intense and pleasurable, I don’t know if I’ve ever enjoyed the peace in my heart, mind, and soul, that would come from a correct, Godly, Biblical perspective and definition of this unique pleasure we call masturbation.

  4. christmakesithot says:

    Great question! My wife and I have been meaning to post some advice on this topic. It's funny because just yesterday her story about her first masturbation experience was posted here on MH, "Jungle Fever" she posted this, on one of the comments…
    SecondMarge, I like how you described, parents methodology as "don't tell and they won't do it" lol. We have had great success using the 4 book series "God's Design for Sex" by Stan & Brenna Jones. I will say, we started with our children when they were young and the books are made to work that way, I'm not sure how they work starting with older children? But we have been so blessed, with so many amazing testimonies about our children and our other friends who have used these books. I keep meaning to do a marriage heat advice story, about the books, but it keeps getting away from me.

    I love these books and highly recommended them. Our children are far from perfect but I believe they all have a genuine desire to serve the Lord and please him. It was just yesterday that I got to talk with my second son about masturbation, so this topic couldn't have come up at a better time😍.

  5. HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    My parents never said a thing to me about sex or masturbation, but a book on those topics magically appeared on my pillow one day when I returned home from school at around age 13. I actually can't remember what the book said about masturbation, but my thoughts from those days were that it was wrong to think about someone while masturbating. I had other church/youth leaders broach the subject and some alluded that it might be wrong, and certainly not to lust if you do! So generally, I masturbated a lot, but always felt a bit guilty about it.

    But my first masturbation experience "came" when I was around 12 years old. I was in bed one night and this thought entered my head, "I should try touching myself under my underwear". My hand went south and it felt exhilarating, and there was this spot between my legs that felt like it was on fire. Suddenly, I felt this rush, my heart skipped, and I thought I was going to pass out, but it felt too good to stop so I just rode it out. After I came down, my body felt really relaxed, but I was concerned about this wet gooey stuff I could suddenly feel on my stomach. Where did this come from? What is it? Is it pee? It feels too thick for pee. I realized it came from my penis and it must somehow be connected with what just happened. I grabbed a sock or towel and cleaned up the gooey stuff and went to sleep, not too concerned because I felt sooo good. I felt no guilt over the experience and I think I somehow knew it had something to do with baby making. I would check out an encyclopedia or dictionary the next day to make sure.

    My wife did some exploring, touching, and masturbating with her younger sisters before the age of ten. She didn't know why she did that and feels guilty about it to this day. She didn't get any sex info from her parents either, and in general didn't masturbate much as a teen, except when we dated and we had extra heavy make out sessions she would go home and masturbate afterwards. As an adult she would occasionally masturbate secretly in private without me knowing unless I asked her about it. But in the last year or so we have been enjoying and exploring mutual masturbation together and it's been getting more and more fun.

    As for our kids, about 8 years ago I told my two preteen boys what masturbation was. I said that doing it was okay, but to guard themselves about their thought life in the process. I had a different view on sexual thoughts and lust back then and didn't distinguish between the two. Funny thing is, our oldest boy who is in his early 20's now will casually talk with his mother on the subject.

    But what is really funny is what happened the other day. This son is still living at home. He came out of the shower and while walking to his room was bent double over in pain. Said he had very sharp pains in his lower abdomen. My wife had me get ready to take him to the hospital right away, but after she had a quick chat with him decided to give him some time to feel better. He was a bit embarrassed, but admitted to her that he was pulling on his rod with a bit too much gusto before going into the shower and must have pulled a groin muscle or something. He did in fact feel better in no time.

    My advice now to my kids would be that masturbation is perfectly fine and should be enjoyed in private and have no shame in doing so. I would encourage to explore what feels good with their body, because that could lead to a very enjoyable sex life one day because they could share with their spouse what feels good to them in sex. Also don't want them to feel guilt over nothing.

  6. ArtRutherford says:

    Good Questions. My parents didn't tell me anything. Ultimately, I became addicted to porn and went through CR.

    Start early. Invite questions. Talk about it. Have them read the book series mentioned by christmakesithot.

  7. Penny4URthoughts says:

    Not certain I remember not touching myself. My parents never mentioned sex or masturbation. The first time I had what I learned was an orgasm was at a sleepover. The girls talked about boys and how they wanted to touch you and wanted you to touch them. One of the older girls knew all the words “tits”, “dick”, etc. There was some showing each other, some kissing, even some touching each other. Finally I got busy on my own and had more than just a little fun. I thought I had hurt myself. But after recovering it didn’t take long until I did it again.
    My husband’s first time also was with his buddies. Magazines with nudes from under one of their Dad’s bed and three boys with 12 year old hormones. Two of them “shot a load”, the third never did. They watched each other and even examined how different their “cocks” were in size. Talked about being “hard” and touched each other to see if it felt like a “bone”. He just told me that when I asked so I could include it with mine. His parents never said anything except when they noticed he had an erection. Then they yelled at him to go to his room.

  8. PatientPassion says:

    Coming from another person who got extremely little sexual guidance from his parents: if you have kids, don't leave them in the dark! I mentioned in another comment today that I have a history with porn, which I take responsibility for, but it was largely rooted in a serious lack of preparation from my parents. (I'll write about it at some point, but to make a long story short, I started having these totally unexplained new urges to see naked women. Dangerously unaware of the dangers, I ended up searching the internet for women in various stages of undress, and you can understand how that quickly goes downhill.)

    Fortunately, masturbation was one of the things I figured out on my own, starting about 8 years ago when I was 14. Even though this was after my first run-in with porn, I started with a pretty healthy, if very basic, view of sex. The first fantasy I remember having was of relaxing at home with my future wife, going to the bedroom, taking each other's clothes off piece by piece, then having sex. It was so simple and innocent, and I still remember it fondly. If I recall correctly, it was in the shower while thinking of that very fantasy when I had my first orgasm. I often thought about it and stroked myself to an erection in the shower, but this time I kept stroking longer than usual, and it just kept feeling better and better until I felt this amazing surge of pleasure. I don't remember what I thought afterward, and since it was in the shower, I don't remember for sure if it was accompanied by an ejaculation or not. (Even though I was already 14, my physical maturation has been relatively slow my whole life so I may not have had the capacity to ejaculate yet).

    I always did a good job of hiding it from my parents, knowing it would be embarrassing. But to this day I'm not actually sure if they would approve or not, because they never talked about it, and I don't plan to bring it up because I've found other places (like MH) to learn about it that aren't nearly as embarrassing, and probably much more effective.

    For a while I would masturbate and imagine having sex with one girl or another that I knew, but I eventually felt that was unhealthy and stopped. I don't think I was lusting, because it was in no way related to coveting or actually intending to illegitimately pursue them, it was just childish imagination. However, I did feel like it might taint my relationships with them if I had those thoughts in my head, so I stopped. I may have felt a little guilty about that, but it wasn't enough to stand out in memory.

    Thankfully, I never felt much, if any guilt around masturbation, but I have had my concerns from time to time. Even very recently, I've wondered if it's really okay. Several times, I've dug into some Christian and biblical opinions (which unfortunately aren't always the same thing), and found that the vast majority of arguments against masturbation are pretty weak and unconvincing, even in articles from organizations I think otherwise do a very good job. The conclusion I've come to is that, while there are dangers related to masturbation that we need to be aware of (like porn, lustful thoughts and addictive patterns), the act itself is not a sin, and can even be a way to celebrate the future fulfillment of sexual desire in a more beautiful and intimate way in marriage.

  9. MaxLoving says:

    It was never talked about when I was growing up, for or against. Me and my brothers were left to figure it out for ourselves. Except, as it turned out, someone was willing to do more than talk about it. My introduction to masturbation was to be "molested" by an older "friend of the family". There is a lot I could say about that, but that is enough for the purposes of this post. Yes, my first orgasm was at the hands of another man. I had no idea what was happening. I only knew that I was about to pass out, it felt like, as my orgasm crested.

    I put "molested" in quotes because at the time it didn't feel like it was bad. I quickly became desirous to repeat the experience and returned to him several times, until my parents found out and it all stopped so suddenly. By then I had discovered that I could give myself an O by playing around. I was around 11 years old when this all took place.

    I did it at least once a day, often more than that, for the rest of my life. At times feeling guilt over it, and at other times believing it was okay. This cycle led to me doing a lot of Biblical research on the topic, much of which I incorporated into a story here on MH: https://marriageheat.com/2019/07/21/hot-bible-study-and-sex-with-jan/

    I did talk to my own sons about it. They are much more open about it than I ever was with my parents. At any rate, for the last few years, I've settled into a state of acceptance of the practice, believing it to be not only okay with God, but to be the way He intended for us to explore our own bodies in preparation for marriage. As well as acting as a relief valve for saving sex for marriage when dating.

    But you are right, kids need to be told these things so they don't waste too much time and energy feeling guilty about it. My only tip for when and where to have that talk is when they are riding in the car with you, alone. And of course you want to talk about more than masturbation, but sex in general. Better that than being introduced to it from an non-family member who molests you. That automatically throws a negative environment onto it.

    • IndyDad says:

      I had a somewhat similar experience being "molested" – it was by my oldest brother who took me up in our barn to show me, as he said, "how the big boys jacked off." In the process he first masturbated and I was amazed to see his semen shoot out! He ended up masturbating me. Like you, I did and do not consider this abuse. It felt wonderful to me and he did not force me. I did think it was a "naughty" thing we were doing. In retrospect, in a way I am glad I was shown the ropes by a loving older brother.

    • MaxLoving says:

      You know, the "funny" thing is, I never looked down to see the semen come out of me when he did that to me. Guess I was too afraid to watch. Then, when I started masturbating on my own, at first, I usually did it at night, in bed, when I couldn't see. So it was some time after the whole thing came down that I realized one time when I did it in the bathroom and saw it shoot out. I then realized what I had experienced.

      For you see, the older man never cleaned me up, but just stuffed my dick back in my pants with all that sticky semen all over it. I figured the pain I felt as it stuck to my underwear was God's way of punishing me! Since it only happened right after he had done that to me. While he did molest me, I willing came back to have him do it again, despite the pain I knew I would feel. And the first time, I had no idea what he was doing to me or anything. I didn't even know about jacking off. Or that any good feelings could come from that (one of the little secrets they left out of my 6th grade sex education class).

      Though I fared well despite that. I think because I enjoyed it so much (secretly, I was sad it came to an end at the time, though I knew it wasn't a good situation). However, I've always wondered just how much it has affected my experience and view of sex overall, and masturbation in general. I've always wondered how different things might have been if I was to discover it on my own. Only God would know.

    • Penny4URthoughts says:

      I commend both of you for being so open about your early experiences. Not only admitting they came from the hand of another male, but that you enjoyed it. I did not know how much I could or should reveal here. The first touches I had at the sleepover included the older girl using her fingers in me and had me touch her small breasts and rub her pussy as she made me cum. We would later visit each other at our home and it progressed to oral. I only knew how good it felt and I was anxious to please this older girl. I can’t be angry with her, because like both of you I enjoyed it and willingly took part. I have read about these early experiences and many are same sex. Not sure how it affected me long term but girl on girl erotica makes me very excited. It’s what I usually watch when I masturbate to videos. So you two are not alone. Maybe had I known more, I might have stopped her, maybe not.

    • CrazyHappyLoved says:

      Its hard to blame ourselves or other children for coming back for more physical and emotional pleasure with another. Our self-control isn't mature and usually that person is a permanent fixture in our lives, sometimes with authority over us. It doesn't seem logical to think that a child would "know better" or speak up against something that feels good and seems loving. Kids are natural experimenters; its how we learn. The only thing lacking in these situations that *might* have prevented it was more adult supervision. But I think people felt safer back then, didn't think we'd get up to the stuff we did at sleepovers or as latchkey kids (or they also had in their youth and didn't think it would be harmful, maybe). I, too, experimented as a child with my sibling and several friends. It felt natural and normal to try and figure out these things together that nobody really talked about. Was it right? Probably not. Am I forgiven? Yes. Do I blame myself or others? To what end? Do I supervise my kids better? I hope so.

    • SecondMarge says:

      Do those of you that had early same sex experiences feel it changed how you feel about adult same sex activity? Do you judge it more harshly? All of you seemed to enjoy the experiences. Are you tempted to repeat that activity?

    • IndyDad says:

      MaxLoving, did u ever come to terms with your experience? Did you talk to Uncle? Did you forgive him? Do yu struggle with mixed feelings – the physicla pleasure vs. being molested? And when you think about it today how do you feel? Sorry for the questions!

  10. IndyDad says:

    Only God would know, indeed, MaxLoving. How old were you at the time? I was 11, and to me it was a thrilling experience and I felt honored my big brother was showing me. We continued doing this together for a while. His penis was bigger than mine and he would shoot more than me, and that fascinated me. We would stroke and masturbate each other and I liked making my big brother feel good. In a way, it was a strange, loving thing between us.

  11. natural_gardener says:

    My experience was that I was given next to no information about anything. I wasn't told "not to" and it wasn't discussed in church but somehow, I got the idea that I shouldn't. I didn't know why, but I felt like I would be "found out" if I did. It's not like I walked around the house fondling myself (saving that for marriage. jk.)

    But at a certain point, I remember laying in bed and hearing a late night talk show discussion on sex. I had no idea what the words meant or what they were talking about at all. I was very sheltered, there was no porn or online access to it around, and we didn't even watch most secular television. I do remember looking at the women's underwear part of the JC Penny's catalog, but wasn't masturbating to it and didn't linger too long lest someone notice.

    So that night I felt like I should tend to whatever I was feeling down there, and did, and I kept going at it. The thing was, I didn't understand ejaculation at all. So when I kept at it, tho I felt I might burst, I had no idea what had happened and that it was normal. I remember going into the bathroom and by the nightlight seeing just the tiniest bit of ejaculate, and because of where it landed "in between" I wasn't sure where it actually came out of because it wasn't that messy. Landed on the 'taint" so to speak.

    Anyways, I worried ALL DAY the next day that I'd broken my penis. I was so humiliated and worried I'd have to tell my parents, go to the doctor, etc. But I couldn't bring myself to tell them, because then I'd be admitting to fiddling with it in the first place. And I didn't want them to know THAT. So I gave it a day..

    That night, my hands were right between my legs again. And they've rarely left since. LOL!

    Now, I still couldn't figure out how girls did it – which is why I find posts on here about that from the ladies so intriguing, and I wasn't the sort to "play doctor" with the one neighbor girl who was a friend of sorts. I definitely couldn't ask my parents questions as the few times I tried, I got very short answers. Not harsh but not encouraging an open dialogue.

    In an odd way, I suppose I'm more open minded as a result of how I was raised and having to make do with my imagination – so the things people are talking about in other posts as porn and fantasy, I created at times "in my head" from even Old Testament scenarios without really knowing what I was thinking of, or the significance of it. I struggle with what that says about me – if I'm naturally "kinky" or naturally corrupted or simply that everyone thinks about most of the same things.

  12. IndyDad says:

    Thanks Penny and "Crazy" for offering a female perspective on this. I've always felt society in general went "easier" on the idea of girls experimenting than boys doing so. Kind of a double standard involved. It's like sisters and female cousins fooling around seemed more harmless, or perhaps not as graphic (not quite the word I want) than what boys do together. I applaud Max for first telling his story, and while my history is different we do share that we both enjoyed it, without guilt (although maybe I assuming too much on Max's behalf).

  13. IndyDad says:

    Marge, perhaps messing around with siblings led us to enjoyment of sex at an earlier age than most. I'm sure the majority were not having such intimate experiences. And it was done with love and no force. Thinking and remembering all this is actually exciting to me, as the memories flood back. Not sure what u mean about being tempted to repeat that activity?

    • SecondMarge says:

      Most boys that were molested, later had same sex activity or even molested boys themselves. I wondered if you ever as an older teen or adult felt those desires.

  14. hornyGG says:

    Like many of you, my parents didn't discuss sex let alone masturbation with me. I pretty much learned through friends. I have always enjoyed touching myself because it felt nice. I didn't experience an actual orgasm till I was in my teens. I go into greater detail in my story " Self Heat: My Masturbation Journey". [Here's a link: https://marriageheat.com/2013/06/29/masturbation-self-heat/ -MH]

    My husband Ben and I have always tried to be open and honest with our children and let them know that they could talk to us about anything.

    We had " the talk " with each of our children, but for reasons unknown left out the topic of masturbation. It wasn't until I caught my oldest daughter Alicia in her bedroom masturbating, that I decided to talk to both my daughters about the subject of masturbation. I basically told them that it was not only pleasurable but also normal and healthy. I didn't talk to my son Randy as I figured I would leave that up to Ben.

    Then one afternoon my daughter Alicia walked in on my son Randy masturbating in the pool house. She thought it was funny and couldn't wait to tell me. He was naturally embarrassed at knowing she had told me. I told him it was nothing to be embarrassed about and that it was normal for a boy his age. Later that evening I told Ben and he had a talk with Randy about the subject.

    Talking to your children about sex can be awkward and uncomfortable, but necessary. Talking to your children about masturbation can be even more uncomfortable, but also necessary. It is important that children understand that there is nothing dirty about their bodies and sexual urges.

    It is important that we break the chains of letting " the talk " be such an intimidating issue. Masturbation is a healthy and normal part of discovering our bodies and what gives us sexual pleasure.

    This was a great post and some very important points were made in all the comments. This is what makes MH so great in my opinion.

    God bless you all and stay horny!

    • IndyDad says:

      The trick is at what age to talk to your kids and how much. Of course, early on parents have the "good touch/bad touch" talk – which actually may only confuse real young kids or scare them. HornyGG, how old was your daughter when you walked in on her (surprize! LOL)…and how old was your son when your daughter saw him masturbating? (She sounds like a teasing older sister). Which asked more questions – your daughter or son?

    • SecondMarge says:

      Seeing him masturbate for me means acting like nothing wrong is happening. Remaining calm, controlling my reactions.

  15. MajorMajor says:

    Tricky question. My parents never discussed the subject with me but, to be fair, I didn't feel there was any need for it either. I guess boys always fiddle with their private parts – they are just too obviously there. I was no exception. By the time I was about 12 I was masturbating regularly; my mum must have known from the stains on the sheets but she did not say anything. Then on one occasion the subject came up in a conversation with my friends and they admitted they were doing it too. One of them showed us a porn magazine he found hidden in amongst his dad's stuff and we certainly had a good look at it. I still remember one of the pages: it was an illustrated story of a couple going on a picnic; of course it soon turned into all sorts of sexual acts. The last scene was a picture of the woman's pussy covered in sperm, which I found particularly exciting. "I want to do that to my wife one day", I thought. (And, I'm glad to say, my dream did eventually come true.)
    We boys were also absolutely dying to know if the girls were doing it too but there was no point in asking as we were too embarrassed to ask and in any case, they would not tell. So again, exploring the subject had to wait until I met my future wife many years later and I had the chance to ask. She told me that of course she had been doing it too, and so had her three sisters. She said she did not have her first orgasm until she was 17, until then it was just pleasurable feelings but without a climax. Then one day she realized what was missing – pressure on her pubic area. So she found the solution: lying on her stomach with her hand under the pubes and her finger inside.
    So I guess we both found out about masturbation the natural way, without any parental discussions but of course, your experience might be different. I found that my two children followed the same path, there were subtle signs of them doing things but they never wanted to discuss the subject, so we kept it that way. If I had seen the need to bring up the subject of course I would have but somehow I felt there was no real need.

  16. LuvBug says:

    My parents never talked about sex, at least not any details. They did of course promote a Biblical view of waiting for marriage, but we never had "the talk" per se. So I figured out many things, including masturbation, myself.
    I was maybe 12 years old or so and I started getting erections much more often. Just about anything would do the trick: looking at girls, thinking about girls, and sometimes for no reason at all. When I did get a boner, it felt good to have pressure on it, like lying face down. Naturally I progressed to dry humping while in this position. Then one day after I got home from school (I was a latchkey kid), I was lying facedown on the couch when I decided to try something different. I undid my pants and slid my erect penis between the couch cushions. I then began to hump the couch, slowly at first then gradually picking up speed. It felt good, really good, and I naturally picked up speed. Then all of a sudden I felt weird but a really great sensation followed by what felt like something spurting out. At first, I had no clue what happened. I jumped up and checked the couch and found the mess of cum in between the cushions. Then I realized I had ejaculated for the first time. Quickly I tried to clean it all up with tissues and hoped my parents wouldn't find out. They never did, or at least never said anything. Later that day, I experimented again, trying to get that awesome feeling once more but this time using my hand. I succeeded and masturbation became a regular part of my life from then on.
    For a time in high school, I will admit to being addicted to it. And to porn. But the grace of God helped me out of that. Now that I am married, I still masturbate but usually it is only when I am traveling away from my wife, those weeks when we are too busy to have sex regularly, or when we want to do some mutual masturbation 😉.
    My wife's parents never really talked to her about sex either, but she found that pressure on her pubic area felt good and would occasionally dry hump the edge of her bed or couch. It wasn't until we were dating that she had an orgasm, and that was the result of my doing things with my fingers that I probably shouldn't have. Again, the grace of God covers a multitude of sins.
    Now that I have kids, I wonder what I should tell them about masturbation. It is normal, natural, and not condemned in the Bible. There is no reason to be ashamed of it, though it should be done in private. Also, one should avoid lusting and porn and other actual sins which doing it.

    • IndyDad says:

      LuvBug, that was interesting to read how you first masturbating laying on your stomach, because I did the same thing and thought I must have been weird. I actually did it a bit different – I'd put my hands under my crotch and press and wiggle and that felt good. I did it like that for years until I got older and could actually ejaculate that way.

  17. Penny4URthoughts says:

    Marge I am in awe of how open you are. Sharing sexual events with your son and husband has to be difficult. Knowing others have these issues is sure to help others cope if they have similar events. Not sure I would remain calm seeing my son, if I had one, masturbating. Especially if he had just seen me partially nude. You handled it in the mature way. I need to grow up.

    • IndyDad says:

      Moms seem to handle seeing their sons masturbating much better than dads catching their daughters. – maybe moms have a "boys will be boys" attitude and laugh it off?

    • SecondMarge says:

      I wasn’t exactly laughing. Nor did I feel like I handled it well. Going in to shower finding my son’s dirty clothes on the floor. Already stripped to only panties I took his clothes to his room assuming he was long gone to school. My eyes caught the movement of his hand on a penis that was much bigger than when I changed his diapers I froze. My nipples must have felt the cold too because they became very hard. I am happy I neither screamed nor ran. It was an interesting shower after that. When I got out he had left for school. Not sure what I would have said.

  18. NoahZark says:

    My dad was a godly man whom I greatly respect. But his job required him to be away a lot and so my mom had a series of small talks with me, rather than one major talk. It happened as teaching moments naturally occurred. Looking back, it must have been less intimidating than one big talk.
    Their position was that it was perfectly healthy and normal. When I was 12, I remember being in sort of a pushup position rocking back and forth with the head of my penis gently touching the bottom of the tub. Suddenly, I felt like I had to pee. What came out was my first ejaculation, and a new habit was born!
    They let us masturbate in the shower or somewhere private as long as we cleaned up after ourselves. We lived in the country, and in the summertime I would sneak out at night and walk naked in the moonlight, often including masturbating. Years later my mom told me I sucked at being sneaky and they knew all along what I was doing.
    I told my boys as soon as puberty started that it was totally natural and healthy. I didn’t want them discovering these things from other hormone-crazed teens. Seemed to work well.

    • SecondMarge says:

      Mom’s witness far more than their son’s ever know.

      It’s good that you passed on a positive attitude toward sex and masturbating.

  19. IndyDad says:

    Overall, it seems to me silly, when such masturbation is such a normal and healthy thing, that even to this day, there are negative attitudes about it. It almost seems in our DNA. Kids always seem to be secretive about masturbating and feel "naughty" about it. Like SecondMarge, I have happened to see my child touching themself – but in my case it's my 12-year-old daughter (and nothing extreme, just happened to have seen her rubbing on top of her panties). But even though I know it's natural and all, I was still taken aback by what I saw and had a feeling like I couldn't believe my "baby" was doing this.

    • CrazyHappyLoved says:

      Did you talk to her about it? Let her know it was "normal but private" or something like that? Or did you just ignore it and let her think no one noticed so she wouldn't be embarrassed?

      When my kids were little and taking their baths, I would sometimes (not harping on it, just occasionally) remind them that their privates were for them and their future spouse to touch only, except for medical care. We also made "alone time" something that anyone could call and know that no one would barge into their room. (We don't allow locked doors and ask that all electronic media be consumed in family areas.)

      Kids explore their bodies. I don't want mine to feel any guilt over it.

  20. IndyDad says:

    Thanks CrazyHappyLoved for the comments, I've taken the easy way out to avoid embarrassment on my part (and hers too probably) and not said anything. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know I've seen her doing that a couple of times. I'm naive that I thought girl started doing that at a later age, Have had the "good touch/bad touch" talk with bout our daughters. We are "backwards" in some ways in that they still call their privates their "peebodies." LOL.

  21. Johny123 says:

    Im a man and I started masturbating at age 13. I discovered its pleasures purely by myself. I was getting good hard erections, I’d discovered playing with my erect penis felt nice and one summer night laying naked on my bed by accident I got the stroking, tugging action just right – then POW! I splashed right up to my chest. Everything I learned about masturbation I learned from other boys at school from learning of its existence through improving my technique by talking with other boys and masturbating together with them. I had a metal framed bed and it rattled with the rhythm of my pumping hand, especially when I went frantic with my rising orgasm and came. I think my mother heard my bed rattling because I overheard her telling my father “he did something in bed last night.” That was the only comment on masturbation I ever heard from my parents. I now have a son and I know he masturbates because all boys do, but we have never spoken to him about it.

  22. TheycallmeSUNSHINE says:

    I've mentioned before that my mom was very quiet about sex, where as my dad was pretty playful with the subject, in the sense that he would make jokes and such about it. I learned about masturbating more or less through my sister, (as she took from my dad's side). I was seven or eight then, but didn't know what it was. I tried a few times throughout the years, but never orgasmed till like, sixteen. I read something online and decided to try. OMG! I had never experienced something so euphoric in my life! But I did struggle with guilt.
    But when I was about seventeen, my dad pulled us aside and let us know about masturbating and that it was natural and there was no shame in it.
    He was a bit upset that my mom never talked to us girls about any type of sexual behavior, and I was upset too, (feeling left out, while my twin brother would tell me about him and my dad's talks) but then I realized, nobody ever did for her, so where was she to pull it from. Anyways, from then on, I not only masturbated but encouraged my little sister to be open and not ashamed of anything sexual, within reason, of course. 😎 needless to say, MarriageHeat means alot to me, but I feel at home here and like I can be more vulnerable with this community. God bless you all!

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