Sexless marriages

Sexless Marriages – Hot Monogamy? Take Anonymous Marriage Heat Poll!

Sexless Marriages – A wife’s story,  “I am in a sexless marriage. All he does is watch football. My husband hardly

touches or kisses me. I am a fairly attractive woman, I try to take care of myself. We are Christians. He is a great father but does not welcome me physically.  He just doesn’t seem to be interested anymore.  I am a very affectionate person and I need to be loved and feel loved. We still share the same bed but never touch. If he gets any further on his side of the bed he just might fall off, lol.”

Sexless Marriages – A husband’s story: Our sex life was great up until about one year ago. I have been married for almost 12 years now and we have 4 kids. We went from having sex three times a week to now maybe once a month if I insist on it. I talked to the pastor and he said I should bring my wife in and talk about it. But she would kill me if she found out I talked to the pastor about it. She says she feels like all I want is sex. I would be happy with once a week or twice a month.   I tried talking to her, and it usually starts an argument. She says she just doesn’t feel like having sex and would be fine without ever doing it again.

How many times do you ordinarily have sex in your marriage?

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Sexless Marriages are Ordinarily Supported in the Bible

Sexless marriages are not what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches that Christian marriages are to be sexually alive marriages. The apostle Paul writes in very practical terms. He says in 1 Corinthians 7:5
 ”Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

When people sign Christian marriages,  they sign up to take responsibility to love their spouse as they love themselves, cherish their spouse as they cherish their own life, respect their spouse as they respect themselves, protect their spouse as they protect themselves, and bring sexual fulfillment and intimacy to their spouse as they receive it themselves.  God created humans with the need to give and receive love, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. So when you are married you commit yourself to be a supportive mate, a soul mate, and a sex mate.  This is the Biblical perspective on marriage. This type of relationship brings happiness and contentment for a man and a woman. Out of this relationship, children may be born. With children, you add the role of parents. But the parent role is founded on the marriage role.

Sexless Marriages Busting Ideas

1. Sexless marriages are not normal for Christians. When someone is in a sexless marriage, it is not just one person suffering, both husband and wife are hurt.

2. Sexless marriage does not have to be the norm for you.  Keep or begin praying for this area of your life.

3. Sexless marriages are not just something that can be fixed unless each partner in the marriage takes responsibility to fix it.  If you are in a sexless marriage, get help. Talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor. Seek medical help, there could be medical reasons that need to be addressed. The whole relationship may need a makeover.

4. Sexless marriages start in your brain. Get your thinking on target for healthy hot monogamy. Marriageheat.com is here to edify hot monogamy. Please utilize the tool of marriage heat for a mutual blessing. This tool could be a great resource for a husband or wife who wants to change from being less interested in marriage heat to one who could be inspired to “bring” heat into their marriage. We have had reports about wives and husbands who are changing and marriage heat is helping them get over their hang-ups.

5. Sexless marriages can happen at different times in your life, but do not make that to be the norm. Talk about how each of you in the marriage will have your needs fulfilled even if you are facing:

  • Having Babies
  •  Family Craziness
  •  Different Libido Needs
  • Stress in one or both of the partners
  • Grief
  • Age

Sexless marriages may be your lot right now.

There could be deep-seated reasons for it. There could be simple reasons like age or physical limitations. But if you are able and you know God is prompting you, my prayer for you is that you will not settle for it. Comment on this blog, share your stories and what you are doing to enhance your marriage intimacy. Share what you are finding to help your marriage be sexually fulfilling.

 

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11 replies
  1. Anonymous says:

    Keeping sex hot in your marriage takes intentional effort. Our first baby challenged us, we had to get back on track. Stress has always hurt, but then we figured out that sex was a stress reducer. Then adult children staying up all hours of the night. Then we decided that we needed better boundaries. Age. then we realized if we don’t use it we loose it.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I am in a sexless marriage. The last time my wife and I had sex was in 2004. What I am NOT in is a loveless marriage. We are still very affectionate. She is a terrific kisser. When I wrap my arms around her, she tells me “This is the best”, and means it. Earlier in our marriage, we had a wonderful sex life. That part of our lives is over, but our love (and our memories of our randier days!) endures. Unless you happen to die “in the act”, every couple makes love for the last time at some point. Pastor MJoy’s blog likens this to a sunset, which I find to be an apt analogy. We are bonded forever, and more deeply in love than ever.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I agree that a sexless marriage starts in the brain. Four weeks ago, my wife and I had a basically sexless marriage for no really good reasons. My wife stumbled on this website and introduced it to me. We talked. We read some stories separately and talked about what we read. We came to the conclusion that we needed to start training our brains to think about “hot monogamy” again. Pray for us.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Our usually sexless marriage was mainly created by my husband. We are in our forties. I am working out at Lifetime Fitness and he is watching too much football. I am confused, my trainer over at Lifetime said that “if your husband want sex with his sexy wife, he’d better get with it.”

    Then I clicked around at this website and saw long-time married couples loving and accepting each other still having sex. Honestly, it made me even want to make love with my husband again. He was surprised when I acted out one of the stories on him.

    I want him to work out. I think I want him sexually. Thanks Marriage Heat for causing me to think about things.

    • Anonymous says:

      This site is really helping our marriage! We are committed and active Christians. We are telling our friends and family about Marriageheat

  5. Yuelao says:

    We find that having sex really grounds us,reminds us of the true love we have for one another, how compatabile we are and how unimportant most other things are in our lives (the things we sometimes argue about!!) For those in a sexless marriage, where one still wants sex, then you do need to talk about it and if you can’t talk about it wirte a letter. It is easier not to argue and to say the right things in a letter. Talk about intimacy and how connected it makes you feel and how unhappy you are without that in your life. Sure it isn’t about forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do, but it is also about a relationship, where you care for each other, try to meet each others needs. It is about both of you changing, what does the person not wanting sex need from you? For the woman who’s husband watches the football (happens a lot here in Australia too!!!) maybe she needs to ask him, what is more important, her or the football!!

  6. Amy says:

    I’ve just given up on my husband and all men in general, I won’t even go to a male cashier at the grocery store. Reason is I’ve been married 45 years and we only had sex, intimacy and a marriage one time, that was on our wedding night. The day after that he wanted nothing to do with me. He moved to our basement and worked the midnight shift so he wouldn’t have to be near me. I became deeply depressed knowing that i don’t have a marriage. won’t have kids and life partner. His reason’s were he hated sex and me for suggesting it. it was disgusting, messy, smelly and he wanted to vomit. He could not understand why people had sex to him it was the most vile thing for two people to do. At that point we were in our mid 20s and I should have walked away, but I didn’t and I won’t ever forgive myself. So I ended up with a dead end marriage.In our 60’s and I really don’t care about any thing any more.

  7. Lovinghusband says:

    Amy,

    I am so sorry to hear this news! I cannot imagine how difficult is has been for you. My only words of encouragement are that God is to be our refuge.

    Sex, as great as it can be in a loving marriage – is ultimately not the ultimate purpose of our lives. It is not to ultimately define us. That said, what you described is wrong and sinful. It must be so painful. You and your husband were designed to not withhold sex from one another (1 Cor 7:1-10).

    I don’t know if you have a good church home. If you do, talk to leaders about biblical counseling. Continue to hope in God. He can apply healing salve to your hurting heart. When Christ is our treasure, we can endure more than we think. That said, I will pray for you. Please don’t give up on the hope that is realized is Christ and the Scriptures. God bless you Amy!

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