sex wisdom

Sex Wisdom -Wives: Reasons to Love Your Body

Sex Wisdom – I know a lot of wives, including me, can struggle with body image at times. I struggle with adjusting to the weight gain, and the change in my breasts I had after having 5 kids. I went through a really rough time where I was not comfortable with my appearance, I doubted my sexiness, and I doubted how my husband viewed me. I am glad to say that, with the help of God, Jesus, and my amazing husband, James, I am much nicer to myself and I believe that my husband finds me attractive. Here is basically the beginning of the end of that journey and I pray it helps some other wives to not make the same mistakes I did.

It was after giving birth to our 4th and 5th children, twins, that I really became uncomfortable with my appearance. This is where I made my HUGE mistake. I was so unhappy with myself that I convinced myself that James didn’t find me attractive anymore. Because I convinced myself of this, I made an even LARGER mistake, I reduced the amount of sex we were having. It was very selfish of me to do, it wasn’t because I didn’t love, or want, or need my husband. I was just so terrified of him looking at me and not being turned on. My goal was to lose the weight and then we would resume our normal sex life, but it took longer than what I thought it would. After 10 months of having very sparing sex, I was depressed because I felt gross, and I missed my husband, and James was depressed because he thought the reason had to do with him.

On the evening everything came to a head, we were getting ready for bed. I had put my pajamas on and was brushing my hair, when James came over, slipping his arms around my waist and nuzzling my neck, something that always gets me going.

“Why don’t you set down that silly old hairbrush and let my fingers do the work, huh?”

“Not tonight baby, the kids gave me a really rough time today.” I felt his arms gruffly let go of my body and I could feel the warmth of his lips against my neck vanish as he pulled away, stalking over to the other side of the room.

He gave a deep sigh, “I don’t believe you.”

“What?” I turned to face him.

“Leah, I don’t believe you. This isn’t how our marriage was,” he sat down on the bed, and I saw the hurt in his eyes, “We had sex regularly. Even when the kids where giving us a rough time we never went more than a week without making love. Now we almost never make love. We do it once a month, if that. Baby, what’s going on? Please let me in.”

I was in such shock that I stammered out some nonsensical reply. James slowly ran his hands over his face and looked me straight in the eyes. There was so much hurt, that I wanted to cry and throw my arms around his neck and just hold him until it went away.

He took a slow breath, “Am I not a good lover?”

“Baby, no, you are the best lover in the whole world. No one can do to me what you do.”

“Are you not attracted to me anymore?”

“Sweetheart you are by far the sexiest man alive,” I was pleading at this point, almost crying.

He took a long pause and asked very softly, “Is there someone else?” I lost it at that point. I knew I had to tell him, I had been so selfish and had put my loving husband through so much that he thought I was with someone else.

“James, no, no, no, no, a thousand times no,” I choked through my tears, “There is no one but you that I share myself with. You…”

“Leah what the heck is it then,” he had tears in his eyes now, “I feel so lonely, so rejected. I miss you. I don’t know what’s going on and I feel like I’m losing you. And I don’t want to lose you, you mean so much to me. Leah, I’m begging you please tell me, and please let it be the truth.”

I was crying so hard at that point, I felt so guilty. I ran to him and cradled his head in my arms and chest. He pulled me in and held me so tight, and in between one of his sobs I heard him ask, “Please?”

“Oh my James. I’m so sorry to have put you through this. The truth is I’ve been so selfish. I’m so unhappy with the way I look right now. I feel fat and disgusting, and I just can’t believe you would want to look at me. I’ve been trying so hard to lose the weight to be sexy for you again and it just won’t go away. And here you are, and you look so fantastic, and all you have is dumpy, dowdy me to look at. This has nothing to do with you. You are such an exquisite lover and I’ve missed you so much as well, when I agreed to sex its because I couldn’t take it anymore. I just had to have you in me. And now I feel so horrible for making you feel worthless. I’m so sorry, I really don’t deserve you or your love. I have been a terrible wife and I’ve failed you in the wedding vows I took, I’m so sorry.” I dropped my head down and cried so hard, I just felt awful.

James looked up at me and asked, “Really? That’s all that was bothering you?”

“Yes,” I chocked out. He swept me up and laid me down on the bed and began peppering my tear-stained face with kisses. “What has gotten into you,” Promote-ww2I hiccuped.

He paused his attack of kisses on my face, ” You. First of all, I forgive you and I love you very, very, very much. You would have to do a lot to make me stop loving you. Secondly, you are not a terrible wife. In a weird sort of way, I am flattered by this. I’m flattered because you love me so much that it is a top priority for you to look attractive for me, well, what you think I think is sexy. Thirdly, you are not fat or ugly or anything like that. I find you very attractive and very sexy.”

“How? What is so sexy about all this blurgg,” I moved my hands above my body from chest to thigh, repeatedly. James grabbed my hands and kissed them, slowly nibbling around my fingers, the back of my hands, and palms. He place them on my heart.

“Lots of things. I find your new softness gives you a more womanly, warm, soft, cuddly figure. Those little stretch marks from pregnancy remind me of how much you love me, because you would carry our children in you for 9 months. The little wrinkles and aging imperfections soften your appearance and show how beautiful and how real you are. I love your butt and thighs and now I have more to grab and squeeze and tease. Those little love handles, they have their name for a reason and they give you delicious curves. Overall, there is a little more of you for me to love, touch, kiss, tease, and pleasure. You are such a sexy woman and wife, my darling, let me love you and all of your gorgeousness.”

I now had different tears running down my face, happy ones. Silently I thanked God for this man who loved me this much, and then I just wanted to get our clothes off. We made love so many times and in so many different ways that night. It was fantastic.

So ladies the moral of the story is, don’t feel bad about your body. God gave you this body, and he made us all beautiful. Just remember that while you may see all these imperfections, the man who loves you almost as much as God and Jesus do, doesn’t see them as imperfections. Talk with your husband about how you feel. One of the things James and I do is give each other compliments throughout the day, they can be about anything, but make sure at least one is about how great they look. It really boosts your self-esteem and his. Also buying lingerie together is very fun. Let your husband pick some pieces out, and also get some pieces to surprise him. Any other ideas for boosting self-image work great too! Enjoy your husbands ladies, and let them enjoy you too, because you are all each other has, so make the most of it!! God bless, and happy findings!!

Sex Wisdom Note

Sex wisdom is extremely valuable. Helpful sex wisdom in this anonymous forum allows you to be honest and share the struggles, joys and steamy journey of marriage heat. Articles like this add to a growing collection of sex wisdom here at marriage heat. Marriage heat is visited by a large number of Christian newlyweds who desperately need this sex wisdom.  Stories like this help husbands and wives overcome marriage sex walls. Submit sex wisdom stories and bless lives!

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19 replies
  1. Anonymous says:

    This sharing has helped me! I am struggling with poor body image right now. My husband has never complained, but I have been stuck. I stumbled on this website today and saw this! Thanks. I know what I need to do! I need to stop putting thoughts in my husband’s head. I need to talk to him about my worries instead of stewing about my hangups.

    Elvis123, You cannot believe how much you are helping me today. Sometimes, I also struggle with a low sex drive? But that may be connected to my self-image problem.

    • elvis123 says:

      I have found that my sex drive increased when the view of my body image changed. I wanted more sex, and my husband and I had more sex. 😀

    • elvis123 says:

      Hi Hon! This is Elvis123. I’m soo glad that this was able to help you, because you deserve to have a healthy sex life, and a positive self image. You are absolutely right about what you need to do and I encourage you to actively do so. And I totally can attest to the low sex drive dissipating once body image improves. When you feel sexy, you want sex and it’s a win-win situation! I will pray for you and your husband! Best of luck and know you deserved this!!!!

  2. 76servant says:

    Dear one, your openness of sharing was over the top! Couples need to read this! Communication is key to the Life Dance our Heavenly Father has given to us to waltz more beautifully through our intimate moments. Husbands, shower your love on your wives as Christ loved the church.

    Thank you so much for you vulnerability! This is Agape Love!

    • elvis123 says:

      As a man, I know we are attracted to/enjoy softness/curves because our own bodies are much more angular, and vice versa with women. That being said, I do and most husbands I know, really enjoy and don’t mind the few extra pounds, inches, and stretch marks.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I would rather have a sexy wife. I do like that my wife stays in good health. I know that I need to be a romantic man too. It is a two way street!

  4. yankmetoo says:

    You present a great story of misunderstanding. My wife and I have not been intimate for 19 years and it hurts. Reading this and other articles gives me the challenge to improve my focus and communication into the loving part of our relationship rather than the normal day to day communications as friends. As I review our past “love making”, I was likely a very poor lover. I never noticed that she was merely accommodating my physical needs. I probably never enabled her to fulfill her physical needs. My challenge from these articles will be to set an environment where she might trust me to help her have pleasure for herself.
    This is a topic we have trouble discussing because she thinks sexual activity is only for the young folks having babies. We love each other and we are best friends but we must become lovers again!

  5. sburkhardt says:

    Thanks for sharing this story, may you and your husband have a Blessed marriage as you continue to communicate and Love one another!!! Most husbands don’t look at their wives as wives look at themselves. What they see is the woman they Love and that God has blessed them with. Doesn’t matter if you are a size 4 or a size 14, we love you for the blessing that you are and want you!!!!!! Most of us husbands don’t look like THor and you still love us. Why would be any different for us? Most of us men would love our wives to be sexy rather than perfect and we need to know that you love us and find us sexy and want us!! A husband whose wife thinks her man is sexy and wants him and acts sexy for him is one Blessed man indeed! Burkie

  6. hornyGG says:

    Elvis123, thank you so much for this! For a long time I harbored insecurities about my body, mainly concerning my breast. I always felt they were too small and no man would find me attractive or sexy, after all men love big tits! Right?

    I was a virgin when my husband Ben and I married and was terrified that he would be turned off by my “inadequate ” breast size. But my fears ceased on our honeymoon night as I stood nude before my husband.

    The smile on his face and the sight of his erect penis let me know that he was in no way turned off by my body. I shivered and felt a sense of relief as he began to love on and enjoy my breast.

    Though I still would like for them to be maybe a tad larger, I have come to love my breast. Ben says they are perfect just the way they are and loves holding them, kissing them, sucking on them and occasionally running his hard cock between them. If he is happy, then I am happy.

    We may not have “super model ” bodies, but we are all beautiful in our own way! God bless you and your husband and stay horny.

  7. Blondie says:

    Loved this and had to “re-share” it to the front of MH. I wasn’t the skinny one among the four girls in my family. I know I’m not overweight, but I range in sizes 10-12 and my sisters range from sizes 2-8. It kind of beat into my head that I was the unattractive one because of it. I’m a more sturdy athletic type girl, besides my big breasts which get in the way of athletic stuff. lol I’ve struggled with insecurities and I think the more insecure I feel the more I have struggled with the desire to be more adventurous in the bedroom. God has helped me work through my self-esteem issues. Also my husband has often told me I’m the sexiest woman alive to him and that definitely helps me not hold back. I think men need to realize that telling their woman she is sexy is a really good habit. It’s not that we need someone to puff our ego up, we just need someone to reverse the effects the constant bombardment of billboards, ads, and magazine covers tells us of what “beauty” is supposed to be.

  8. Lovinghusband says:

    elvis123, you have already encouraged many – just look at these great comments! I hope this blesses you and encourages you to continue to write from the heart. Thank you so much!

  9. She Writes says:

    Thank you for this reminder. It’s a constant battle to not let the world’s plastic idea of beauty to poison my self image. Truthfully, I lose that battle daily. I believe my husband finds me attractive but I still question it. The suggestion of regularly complimenting each other is a great one. My husband doesn’t do this. That’s not a knock on him. It just doesn’t come naturally to him. He thinks I know. He’s said that he has complimented me before but it was months or longer ago. I’d love for him to start doing it more often but realistically he’s not going to. That’s another reason that posts like this are such a boost.

  10. elvis123 says:

    Oh my goodness! Thank you everyone for the wonderful comments! I was totally surprised when I saw this up in front again! Thanks Blondie! We’re so blessed that this has helped other couples and wives!!

  11. JazzdBoutH&N says:

    What a great post. My lovely wife hit 200lbs in Sept last year. She had been looking for ways to lose weight. She had done the same thing you did for the same reasons. I DIDN’T CARE! I loved my skinny girl when I married her. I love that she has grown into a full blown woman. As your husband said, the padding helps the pushing.

    In 5 months, my wife did a weight loss program and lost 50 lbs. She looks closer to her marriage size again and all I can say is WOW! She looks great. But if you asked me in Sept when she still had the 50 extra lbs, I would have said, WOW! She looks great.

    A question was raised: Would you rather have a sexy wife or an attractive wife? The answer is very simple. SEXY is ATTRACTIVE no matter the size.

    Ride the rides. Be sexy. Be sexual.

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